It is gorgeous and fairly comfortable here, but I keep asking myself: what on earth am I supposed to do with myself and 2 kids for 10 hours every day?!? I have been spoiled by Ben’s school schedule: we usually get up around 8am and he’s home by 3:30, so by the time I run out of ideas or energy, Daddy’s home. Not so here. We get up at 8am, get dressed, have breakfast and clean up……and then what? There’s no internet, no fenced backyard with a fort, no grandpa, and no laundry machine! (Who would have thought that I’d be complaining about a lack of chores.) All of those luxuries (except grandpa) are in town, which is a 20 minute drive, and I feel that it’s wasteful and/or silly to drive in twice a day. So we’ve been staying here at the campground until after naptime, then driving in to pick up Ben in the evening.
Being “trapped” here shows me how often I use chores, errands, and tasks to be absent from the kids—half listening, “Ummmhummmm” answers for Nathaniel, generally just letting them do their own thing instead of being fully present and engaged. This being a grown up is tough! I have more and more respect for moms who do a good job. Mothering: what a sneaky way for God to get at my character.
Today, though, I hit the jackpot. The one-in-a-million occurrence that makes any mother’s heart sing—they’re both taking naps AT THE SAME TIME! It was snowing a bit this morning, so we made the kitchen table into a bed and snuggled up with hot chocolate to watch Peter Pan. (I find it interesting how violent and racist old Disney movies are. When was the last time you watched Dumbo? Do you think it would get a G rating these days?) At 10am the sun came out and I decided the benefit of going to town twice today outweighed the cost of diesel. We went to the skate park in Crested Butte where Nathaniel rode his wooden bike (no pedals) and Ben met us for lunch and did a few laps. It looks like so much fun! Ben went back to class and we drove up to Mount Crested Butte to look at the houses. Well, that’s what I told Nathaniel. But it was really to let their lunch digest and lull them to sleep. I thought they might wake up as we jostled the last ½ mile down to the camp, or as I transferred them into their bunk beds…..but no! Hallelujah! So now I am typing on the laptop, keeping an eye on the solar panel regulator to make sure I have enough juice. The sun’s out—plenty of current at 7.9. Oops, there’s a cloud—down to 2.4.
Ben is doing well in his EMT class, and it’s fun and exciting for me to see what he’s learning because now we can speak the same language. CTLS immobilization! Airway! Trauma vs. Medical! Anatomy! I look forward to being able to tell him stories from work without ruining the punchline by having to explain it. (Obviously, I’m not much of a storyteller. =) )
God appears to be getting at my character through my marriage, too. Grrrr. I waver between enjoying this support role and resenting it. At home, I work at least one day a week, so I get the satisfaction of contributing to the family financially, using my brain and college training to complete my job, and sharing the chores at home. Here, my whole job is to be the mommy, cook, housecleaner, chauffeur. I keep reaching for my resentment, feeling tired in the evening and wanting Ben to do the dishes or clean up. But wait—he’s already washing the kids. And helping with the dishes. And wait, who piled up all these dishes? Oh right, that was me. And who got to have quiet time and read a magazine while Ben was taking a test? Oh, me again. Being a full time stay at home mom with a good attitude is an incredibly difficult job. Hats off to all of you in Blogland!
